The First Therapy Session: Awkward, Normal, and Worth It
Written by Emily Vasseur, LCPC
I once had a supervisor during my internship (shoutout to Amy) who taught me that finding the right therapist is a lot like buying a new pair of shoes. When you first buy them, they might look great: the right size, the right color, even the right style, but they don’t yet have the connection or comfort of your old, worn-in pair. They haven’t built any memories with you. At first, they can feel unfamiliar or even a little uncomfortable. But each time you wear them, they start to fit better. They soften. They become comfortable.
Finding a new therapist is much the same. You might meet someone who checks all the boxes. I’m talking qualifications, specialization, identity, approach, but they are still a new person. Someone unfamiliar. And you’re being asked to open up to them about some of your most difficult memories and emotions. That kind of trust doesn’t happen instantly. It takes time to break in the relationship and build rapport.
I often tell my clients that working with me is like wearing a new pair of slippers. They’re meant to feel supportive and comfortable, but sometimes they get warm. Even so, they’re still your slippers. I let my clients know that I’m going to challenge them. Growth can be uncomfortable, but I’ll also be right there with them, offering support and comfort along the way, just like a good pair of slippers should.
It’s completely normal to feel anxious before your first therapy session. Remember, those shoes aren’t broken in yet. Almost everyone feels some level of uncertainty or nerves in the beginning, even therapists when they’re the ones sitting on the couch. That discomfort doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong; it simply means you’re stepping into something new. With time, trust builds, the fit improves, and what once felt unfamiliar can begin to feel supportive and steady.
The purpose of the first session is to get to know each other, set goals, and for your therapist to gather information. They’re going to want to know what brought you to therapy, if you’ve been in therapy before, and what you want to get out of it. The therapist wants to know what you need from them so that they can best support you. They may even share some personal tidbits around themselves. They are going to lead that session so you simply have to show up, be as open as possible, and answer the questions you are comfortable with.
The setup of a first therapy session can look different depending on the therapist, but most sessions follow a similar flow. Usually, it starts with introductions and some basic paperwork, then moves into questions about your history and what brought you in. Throughout the session, you are always in control of how much you share. There is no pressure to tell your whole story right away. Therapy is meant to move at your pace, and the goal of that first session is simply to begin building comfort, trust, and understanding.
Therapy is not about judgement. I actually appreciate it when a client tells me they may not be comfortable speaking about something yet. That communicates to me that they are comfortable setting a boundary, but it also communicates that that may be something that is difficult to process. It’s usually something I come back to once the relationship is there. There are no forced disclosures. If you ever feel pressured to disclose anyone, either communicate that or check-in following the session to see if you felt they were a good fit. It’s important that you feel comfortable, but remember those slippers. It’s okay to feel a little warm, but it’s not okay to feel like your feet are burning off with stress.
Following your first session, you may notice a range of emotional responses. Some people feel relief, others feel tired, emotional, or even unexpectedly hopeful — and all of that is completely normal. Therapy can bring up thoughts and feelings that haven’t had much space before, which can be both draining and freeing at the same time. There’s no “right” way to feel afterward. Whatever comes up is simply part of the process, and it often settles as you begin to integrate the experience.
Figuring out whether a therapist is a good fit often comes down to how you felt in the room. It’s less about having a big “aha” moment and more about noticing the basics. I usually encourage clients to reflect after the session and ask themselves a few simple questions: Did I feel safe? Did I feel heard? Can I imagine coming back? Going back to the shoe analogy, the first session doesn’t have to feel perfect, but it also shouldn’t hurt. The fit may not be fully broken in yet, but there should be a sense that, with time, it could become comfortable and supportive.
Therapy is a process, not a one-time event, and you don’t have to be in crisis to begin. Just like breaking in a new pair of shoes, it takes time, patience, and a little trust before things feel comfortable. I often encourage clients to give a few sessions a chance to see if those “shoes” start to feel right. And if they don’t, that’s okay! You can let me know how it’s feeling, and we can discuss other options or even a referral to someone who might be a better fit. I love to do this before things feel overwhelming, before you’re at a breaking point. If something in your life feels heavy or out of alignment, that’s reason enough to reach out. You don’t have to do it alone, and you don’t have to wait until it hurts to “deserve” or “earn” support.
